The Dialogue Process centers around listening—to yourself as well as others. Shared and personal meaning emerges within a group through listening to what is said from a standpoint of inquiry and reflection (Isaacs 1999). In the Dialogue Process meaning evolves collectively through mutual understanding and acceptance of diverse points of view.

To master the Dialogue Process requires learning a variety of communication skills including a tolerance of paradox (or opposing views), the suspension of judgment, and empathetic listening. It also requires making the entire thought process visible, including tacit assumptions. In this process, instead of imposing our views on others, we invite others to add new dimensions to what we are thinking. We also learn to listen to the voice of the heart—our own and others—and strive to find ways to make that voice articulate.

The purpose of dialogue is neither to agree nor to determine who is right. Rather, the purpose is to discover the richness of diverse perceptions that create a shared meaning that emerges from a group through inquiry and reflection. The meaning that evolves is dynamic as it moves through many diverse phases. If others contradict, the challenge is to learn from what they have said.

Guidelines

1. You don’t have to agree. Listen with the expectation of learning—that is, assume that the speaker has something new and of value to contribute to your understanding and then open your mind to find out what that is.

2. None of us has the whole truth. Seek to appreciate how diverse views that emerge from the group can enrich the quality of the dialogue and connect to each other. In your responses, do not problem solve, argue, analyze, rescue, nit-pick or give advice.

3. Pay attention to your listening. Listen for the “voice of the heart” as well as the mind—yours and others’. Tune into the language, rhythms and sounds. Listen as you would to hear the themes played by various instruments in an orchestra and how they relate to each other. That’s what makes the music. In Dialogue, that is what makes the collective meaning.

4. Free yourself up from a rigid mindset. Stand back and respond, rather than reacting automatically or defensively. Balance advocacy (making a statement) with inquiry (seeking clarifications and understanding). In advocating do not impose your opinion, rather simply offer it as such. In inquiry seek clarification and a deeper level of understanding, not the exposure of weakness.

5. Communicate your reasoning process, i.e., talk about your assumptions and how you arrived at what you believe. Strive to notice your own unstated assumptions and bring them to the surface of your consciousness.

6. Suspend, rather than identify with, your judgments. Hold these away from your core self, to be witnessed or observed by yourself and made visible to others.

7. Confidentiality: Do not speak afterwards about what is said in the dialogue by attributing it to anyone, even if you don’t name the person. Instead, simply talk about what you are thinking or inquiring about as a result of having been in today’s session. If you speak to anyone from this group about what they said, follow the same genuine inquiry you practice here.

8. Turn-taking (listening): The overriding idea: Keep focused on listening well. You won’t listen well if you are rehearsing your own point while others are speaking or if you are holding on tight to what you want to say. Turn-taking happens by putting your name or initials in the chat area (if online) or taking a numbered card (if in person). Do this as soon as you feel ready but keep listening to the current speaker – you don’t need to wait until someone else finishes. This way, a speaking queue is formed ahead of time.

9. Turn-taking (speaking): When it is your turn to speak, you can pause for a moment and see if you have something to follow what was said by the previous speaker, even if it is not what you planned to say. You can also pass if you decide not to speak after all for any reason. When you do finish your point, look at the queue and call on the next person. This way, the turn-taking works on its own, and the facilitator’s role becomes simply to gently remind people to follow the guidelines when needed. Some people like to say, “I’m complete” and then call on the next person.

10. Questions raised by a previous speaker become part of the shared space. You can choose to respond when you next take a turn, or not answer at all, even if a question seems to be directed at you. Periods of silence are ok. During your turn, don’t try to go address multiple points by multiple previous speakers, because this makes it hard to form a speaking thread from one person to the next. Keep your comment to one or two points – you can always take another turn later.