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The Fear of Gas
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“Through the principle of associated habit, the same movements of the face and eyes are practised, and can, indeed, hardly be avoided, whenever we know or believe that others are blaming, or too strongly praising, our moral conduct.” (Charles Darwin The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals 1872)
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“Owing to this struggle for life, any variation, however slight and from whatever cause proceeding, if it be in any degree profitable to an individual of any species, in its infinitely complex relations to other organic beings and to external nature, will tend to the preservation of that individual, and will generally be inherited by its offspring. The offspring, also, will thus have a better chance of surviving, for, of the many individuals of any species which are periodically born, but a small number can survive. I have called this principle, by which each slight variation, if useful, is preserved, by the term of Natural Selection, in order to mark its relation to man’s power of selection.” (Charles Darwin On the Origin of Species 1859)
I am in the kitchen to prepare my lunch, pasta with disgusting pesto. I really don’t understand why the Italian brand Barilla produces their products for the American market with different ingredients. Sunflower instead of olive oil, and why is soya in it? I will embellish my pasta with parmesan cheese from Wisconsin, which doesn’t taste like Italian parmesan at all. Why do they call it parmesan cheese then? Anyway, as I walk down the stairs, I hear giggling coming from the kitchen. It’s my Italian and French housemate, they explore the possibilities of tinder, making fun of men they don’t find attractive. That’s kind of mean, I really feel for those poor souls, since I am also very un-photogenic. I am standing before the stove, putting the pot with cold water on it and take a deep breath, praying it would work this time. I go back to the cupboard to buy me some time, but I only gain a few seconds. Come on, I say to myself, it is just a fucking gas stove, no atomic bomb. Every idiot can handle this without thinking of blowing the whole house up. Why is it so difficult for me?
“May we not suspect that the vague but very real fears of children, which are quite independent of experience, are the inherited effects of real dangers and abject superstitions during ancient savage times?” (Charles Darwin Mind 1877)
Well, I was alone in the house having a bad cold a couple of weeks ago. I was hungry and wanted to warm up some leftovers from the day before. It was the first time for me to use the gas stove, and I should also mention at this point that I grew up in a household with an electric one. I pushed the button and turned it slowly, but no flame was coming out, only the disgusting smell of gas. I tried it a couple of times, but it wasn’t working. Maybe it’s the hotplate, so I try another. Not working. Meanwhile, the kitchen was filling with gas, not visible, but the repellent smell was everywhere. I panicked a little bit. What if some idiot would light on a candle or cigarette? The whole house would blow up and I would die! This thought was ridiculous, I was alone and nobody would ever light up a cigarette inside the house. I opened the windows to ventilate the room, but my heart was pounding, as if I try to conceal a crime. What the hell is wrong with me? Nothing happened, except that I wasn’t able to heat up my lunch. But it’s not only the gas. I have quite a lot of anxieties, when I think about it. Fear of germs and getting a cold, ducks, even though I got over that one. Maybe it’s my character, I am very insecure and check at least for three times if I have the key in my pocket. Actually that one is the fault of my control freak nature, and the reason why I have never barred myself out in my life. Why am I so anxious? Could be an inherited trait from earlier times? For example, you don’t eat rotten food, because it smells and looks bad, right? It is nature way of telling us not to eat it, so we don’t get sick and die. Not in our days of course, back when we were all cavemen. I think Darwin called it the survival of the fittest or natural selection. Only the ones who can adapt to new circumstances or environments can survive and reproduce, which is the meaning of life, isn’t it? Thank God I don’t want to have children. I would be a way too overprotective mum.
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