Before reading Jonathan Kern’s “Reading on the Air,” I probably would have listened to “Ugly Pew” by Joshue Wheeler, and thought, “wow, that was a touching, well done radio essay.”

That isn’t what happened.

I found his tone of voice to be boring, monotonous, and so moist with saliva (I think he had a life saver in his mouth) that I had to really put in a conscious effort to continue listening. He sounded so tense that I think I’ve got a knot in my back now. I thought his essay was great. I would have loved to read it; listening to it, though, was painful. He speaks slowly and articulately enough, and it sounds more or less conversational, although, it does still feel like he’s reading off a script, especially in this one section from 1:25 to 2:15 where he talks about the different kinds of hands. It sounds nice, there’s good consanance in there; it’s got a very eery feel, and the somber hymnals definitely add to it. Unfortunately for Josh, however, he doesn’t have to voice for the radio.

On the other hand, Rachel Yoder’s “I’m White and I’m Mennonite” was a really wonderful radio piece. It was witty and quick, but not so quick that I couldn’t keep up. She paced herself, and added music, or took pauses in the right places. Where I felt like Wheeler was unnaturally over-emphasizing, burdening his piece with his sad, sad tone, Yoder absolutely retained her conversational voice. I believed this as a story that she would tell someone, and that she read it as she would have spoken it.

So what do I take from these essays? I guess that I should value taking pauses. I should chop up my recordings and throw white space in there as much as possible. That’s the main thing that I thought the two of them did really well. Pacing and conversational writing are the take-away aspects, everything else (like Joshua’s shaky, spitty voice) can’t be taught or changed technically. I’ll have to record myself and see how it goes from there.