Allie Richmond, TCCS Student ’19
Between the reaching branches and the sturdy trunks is the space where the light lingers on the crystalline morning rays. Bright and almost blinding with intense purpose, it seeks out the ice-slick earth with determination I often envy come Monday morning as I make my way to work.
It strikes me as strange, that winter is known as a dark time of the year. Without the dense foliage of summer months, and within the unburdened silence that hushes the clutter of noise, it seems so bright and clear, as though welcoming clarity of vision.
Considering the places that I have been, the one place I know I always feel entirely whole, is where I hear the crunch of leaves under foot, and feel the filtered sunlight on my cheeks. I often seek out the woods and the quiet of morning walks to clear my own vision. Under the canopy my ideas sprout and take root, growing deeper and reaching higher, attempting to mimic the trees.
This past semester I spent a lot of time walking through the woodland paths near where I stay. Graduate school is by far one of the most intimidating experiences in my life. I confront my fears, doubts, and insecurities about my ideas, intelligence, and ability to understand with every lesson. I often worry that I am not grasping conceptual complexities, or not interpreting the nuances within the topics.
It is not a fear of the unknown, rather, a fear that I will reach a limit or an end to what I can know, or what I am capable of knowing. Of coming to a point of stagnation where I become unwittingly but definitively ignorant of what is beyond.
Recently, I have found comfort in several podcasts and books on self-care as a woman and how it is deeply connected to the cycles of the Earth. Many of these outlets explore the feminine power that is a part of Mother Nature. Connecting with Mother Nature is thus a way of connecting with maternal lineage and knowledge.
Original artwork by the author
A podcast I listened to recently talked about feminine power and the connection between women and their mother’s lineage. This connection is called Motherlines in the podcast and describes how women have a special knowledge deeply connected to the natural world. It refers to the ancestral string of maternal knowledge that guides us and allows us to understand our journeys with the support of all the past mothers and women in our bloodline. This podcast opened my eyes and reaffirmed my comfort within the woods as a connection I have to my maternal lineage.
One of the speakers mentions the cyclical nature of the Earth. She spoke about how women heal and learn in a way similar to the seasons, and are connected to the cycles of the moon. The seasons of the year, express a continual circle of unending life, death, and rebirth. This gave me solace from my fears. It soothed my mind because, I rationalized, if I learn in a cyclical way, I will never reach my limit.
Aiming for cyclical knowledge, where no scale can place boundaries of linear judgement, I am free. There will never be a final ending, but instead, many beginnings and endings that enable growth and rebirth without limit.
My fear dissolves.
